worried about nothing!

Chemo went just fine. I didn't sleep much the night before, and then had to get up at 5 am for some 'pre chemo' drugs. I just couldn't fall back to sleep after that. It was the first time I've seen the sun rise in many years. The last time was probably from being out all night ;)

In my mind, I wasn't too nervous about going. I really just wanted to get this all started.
When we got there - there was some great news that also helped me relax. Before my complete hysterectomy/omenectomy, my CA 125 (a tumor marker) was 321. Testing it a few days after surgery, it was 192. However, the day before chemo they ran the test again and it was 19!!! Nineteen!! what a beautiful number. Normal is in the range of 0-25.

Now, I know not to get my hopes up, because these numbers fluctuate. But it feels so good to be back in the normal range, which may indicate that not much, if any, of the limited cancer remaining in me is growing and generating the proteins that cause an elevated CA 125. If they go up again, it could be a sign of tumor regrowth somewhere in my body. Its nice that they have this marker test - it may prevent or initiate another surgery, depending on how the numbers go.

The chemo itself went very smoothly. I did not have any immediate reactions to the taxol/carboplatin cocktail I will be getting every three weeks. The oncology nurses are wonderful, and a few of the patients being treated were friendly as well. Others didn't make eye contact - but I guess they are in a scary mental chemo place. I hope I don't get that jaded (?) unfriendly (?) more likely - sick.

I felt fine after the chemo - still no noticeable side effects. I took an anti-nausea pill last night, not because I was nauseated, but because everyone told me to pre-empt any nausea with the pill. I'll probably keep up on it until Sunday morning, when I will stop, and see if any nausea starts.

I also understand that side effects don't often happen until a few days after the treatment. Believe me, I will post about any side effects with no holding back! Beware of potential ugly details to come ;)

My wonderful husband has been a rock through all of this. My surgery has caused me to go into surgical menopause. I recognize the hot flashes - he recognizes the mood swings! I am not usually an outwardly emotional person. But lately a day doesn't go by that I don't find myself on the verge of tears. Usually about nothing - too! Sometimes I can stop them in their tracks. Other times, I just let them loose and then laugh at myself.

I know I have been neglectful of him at times, because I am so focused on my healing and myself right now. I also feel like a medical burden (even though I am 90% back to normal) because I never anticipated these types of issues this early on in my life. Maybe I try to pull away in order to let him distance his feelings from me if he wants to - because this is not a path we chose. He doesn't let me get away with trying to distance him, and I am very thankful for that! I love him very much and appreciate his strength and wisdom during this time. I am very lucky to have such a strong and loving support system in him. He lets me know that he loves me more than ever, in his words, actions and deeds. Now I need to focus on doing the same for him!

My family, husbands family and friends are also being wonderfully supportive. I have made some great choices in friends in my life - and they are the best anyone could ask for! I never realized the actual importance of having that support network available, to reach out to as needed. People have let me know that they are there. Although I haven't had to tap into that network much in my life, it appears to be there, still strong and growing.

I am learning so much through this process. I guess that there is always a silver lining. I am learning (through the medical community and insurance dealings) to be more patient. I am also thinking more about my day to day living (LIVING) - since I just found out I am not invincible (what a bummer).

I am hoping to continue feeling fine today. A friend from work (another wonderful support for me!) is getting married. She has really helped me through this process too - and I must go to her wedding! Even while planning her wedding, she bought me some 'head wraps' for when I lose my hair. She works in the adjacent cubicle to me, and, due to close proximity, has really followed the phone portion of this cancer journey. She is a beautiful person, and I am glad to count her in my network of friends as well.

Another older friend lent me some headwraps she had from her breast cancer ordeal which was wonderful of her! Some look really good on me, and some look better on my husband.
I bought a couple of head wraps myself, and look forward to the day that I can give them away ;)

Whew - I have talked enough for now. Enjoy your day!