Final chemo - and odds and ends...

Tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for since July and August of this year. My final chemotherapy treatment. I am so excited for it to be over, and I am also terrified. I am terrified first of the side effects that I know I will have. I am terrified that I will find out that I went through all of this for nothing. I am terrified that I will have to go through it again at some point in the future! Ultimately, I am terrified about not doing anything proactive in regards to the cancer, and maybe having it come back.

I am excited that I will get my hair back starting in a month or so. I am excited that I won't have to go through awful side effects every three weeks. I am excited to start 2008 with no chemotherapy planned. I am excited to have energy again, and to start reclaiming my health!

Now for the odds and ends:

I have great family - both mine and my favorite husbands. Over the holidays, everyone was so kind and supportive. His relatives have unfortunately had a lot of cancer touch their lives, and I think it gives them a 'magic touch' when it comes to talking to those of us who have it. I can't even recall the particulars - just good positive energy on Christmas eve eve when we went to his family party.

Of course both celebrations with both of our immediate families were wonderful as well! I was a little tired and cranky for my family (they always get the best of me!) but it went much better after I ate some food. Lately my mood has been affected by hunger. I used to be able to go all day without eating, and be fine. Now I am cranky cranky cranky. Thankfully, they understood, and I still got my presents. ;)

My aunt and uncle changed their holiday plans, and drove here for the holiday rather than have us drive there. This was wonderful - as I certainly would not have been able to make the trip this year (already had taken a lot of time off of work). I am so glad they did - it was great to see them, and I promised them I would make it up to them next year. We had a wonderful holiday visit, and squeezed (squoze?) a lot into a short time. Even though they cheat at cards they are all right in my book!

I have great friends. One talked me down from a near panic earlier this week (I don't even know if she knows it) when I was really stressing out about this last chemo. She reminded me that I have to take it one day at a time, and stop worrying or even thinking about the future - because it won't do me a damn bit of good. She (as usual) was absolutely right, and I thank her for it. I may need a little more reminding JKE (please see the first paragraph of this post!) - so please, keep the insights coming :)

And all my other friends and family as well, who don't point and laugh (at least not in front of my face) regardless of how silly I look in my head scarves, and without eyebrows and eyelashes...

I have found that I am a hair product junkie. I haven't had hair since September, but I still find myself perusing the shelves of shampoos, conditioners and other hair products. Crazy - right? :)

Wish me luck tomorrow - they drew another CA125, and I'll find out the results in the morning. Remember - we want a very low, low number!