Needles

Tomorrow I go to have my port flushed at my oncologists office. When you have a port, it has to be flushed every three months in order to ensure it is functional, and that it does not become clogged. I will also be telling the staff and my oncologist that I am changing medical groups. I am sorry to be leaving such a kind staff, but I am not sorry to leave that medical group! However, I hope that I am not going to just run into the same problems at the new medical group. We shall see.

Also, I got a call today that they are STILL waiting for the insurance approval for the CT guided needle biopsy of my liver. However, we did set up an appointment for it, for next Thursday. If they won't let me have it done at the university, I'll just wait until April 1 when the new medical group kicks in. I mean, I've waited this long already, whats another week or so? It sounds interesting. I'll be under twilight sedation, and they will insert a needle into me. They will keep putting me in and out of the CT scanner, to make sure that the needle is going the right way. They said it takes about an hour, and that they keep you there for about four hours afterward to make sure nothing important got punctured, except for what they wanted to puncture. ;)

The biopsy will tell us if the suspected cancer on or near my liver is still ovarian cancer, or if it is some other type. That will determine what type of chemotherapy I will get. Doxil or Gemzar or Taxotere - oh my! There is a certain poetry to chemotherapy drug names.

I am in great spirits though. The clouds and fear have lifted - I have not been plagued by them for several weeks. I asked God for a miracle. I don't know if I will get it or not, but the simple action of asking seemed to lift the paralyzing fear from me.

I just wanted to give you all a short update (that really was not so short). I'll let you know when I know, if the needle biopsy will continue as scheduled or not!

Living with cancer

The title says it all. The gynecologic oncologist said that from here on out, I will likely have cancer. The PET scan showed three areas -near my liver, on my colon, and in my upper abdomen. Those little cells sure get around! There was also a suspicious area in my neck (the scan said it could be the thyroid, or vascular). She was not convinced that was cancer.

She said the chemotherapy that I was previously on, did not seem to do a thing to stop or slow the cancer. I am platinum resistant (became immune to the effects), or refractory (never had any effect). What a waste! I hate that I was poisoning my body for no reason.

She said that we can fight it with chemo - all different types of chemo - to hopefully keep it from growing, and possibly shrink it. I would stay on one type of chemo until the cancer decides to ignore it, and then try another. But the implication is that chemotherapy will be my life.

She wants to biopsy (needle biopsy) the mass near my liver, I guess to ensure that it is ovarian cancer, and not a cancer of some other name. I will be switching my insurance to her hospital, where any future chemotherapy I get will be under her direct supervision. I only hope that my insurance company will understand and not be slow to act in changing my coverage.

So, that is where everything stands as far as the game plan. I hope that one of the chemotherapies is especially effective, and knocks this back for a while.

Tonight I am making chili for my company's 'chili contest' that they hold every year. That is more important than worrying about the future -right? ;) In fact, I need to change that title up there to " LIVING with cancer " (because "cooking with cancer" just doesn't sound quite right... ;) )

No answers, more questions

I finally heard from my oncologist about my PET scan results. There was nothing really definitive though. He said that there are three areas on the scan that are suspect. The aforenoted mass near my liver, and two others in the "abdomen". Hmm. My abdomen is a large place. ;) I wish he would have narrowed it down a bit.

He did not actually look at the scan, just the technicians interpretation of the scan. I had the scan sent to the gynecologic oncologist that I am seeing on Tuesday, so she can hopefully interpret it with an expert eye.

I am hoping for surgery first, then chemo again (not that I am wishing for chemo - but I think you know what I mean!) I just want this out of me (again)! Sometimes they don't do surgery, but start a new chemo regimen instead. Possibly Doxil, or Gemzar (boy, I am really learning the lingo.) I hope that radiation won't be required. I have a fear of radiation. Shoot me up with all the deadly chemicals you want, just don't 'zap' me.

The upside of this, is that there were no spots (or at least the oncologist didn't mention any spots) in my lungs, or other far reaching areas. If these 'spots' are cancer (likely they are), they are staying put in my abdominal cavity for now.

So there is the update. Nothing enlightening. No game plan yet. I really hope to have more answers on Tuesday.

Still waiting

Still waiting for results from the PET scan. I don't know if its psychological or not, but I feel increased pain in my right side, where the mass is supposed to be. I'm hoping its psychological... :)

In other news, I won't get to see the same gynecologic oncologist that originally performed my surgery. Apparently he is not with the 'group' for my insurance anymore. They referred me to a different person. However, the new doc is one that I saw last year for a second opinion, and I really liked her. So I hope that this change is for the best. I am happy that I have insurance, but I really hate the huge run-a-round and all of the hoops I need to jump through! I have an appointment with her for next Tuesday.

So I'm waiting, and working, and worrying, and wondering what the future holds. Those must be the four "w's" of ovarian cancer! ;)

Continue to remember me in your thoughts and prayers please, and my favorite husband too!

PET scan

Now some of you may not ever have the privilege of having one of these tests. I understand that it is one of the most expensive ones out there. But I am just that special ;)

They injected 'tagged' glucose - tagged with a radioisotope to view how organs and especially tumors uptake the glucose. The machine is more like an MRI - a longer tube. Not good for claustrophobic patients. Anyway there were no obvious ill effects from the injection - I didn't feel anything. However my post care instructions were to stay away from small children for 8 hours afterwards, to prevent them from being exposed to radiation. That doesn't sound very healthy - right?

No results until next week (probably Wednesday). To tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind waiting a few weeks for the results. I am just not that anxious to know what they found.

I am out of town on business again next week. Its a great way to avoid calls from my doctors office... Then, on the 25th, I have an appointment with the specialist who performed my debulking surgery for ovarian cancer. He will hopefully be able to answer a lot of questions, and I'm also hoping that he will perform the surgery to remove this mass, cancer or not.

Oh for my business trip, my boss is letting me drive his hybrid Prius. I have had it for the past two days, and I LOVE it! It is much more roomy than you would think, and fast too. I've been getting nearly 45 mpg for highway driving, which is a huge improvement over the 20 mpg the PT cruiser gets. I highly recommend it for anyone wanting to purchase a car. I think my boss is wanting to replace some fleet vehicles with the hybrids - I hope I'm first on the list!

Update

The PET scan scheduled for last Friday, was canceled due to machine issues. It was rescheduled for next Friday. At least I wasn't one of the patients that had been injected with the radioactive gunk before the machine broke! Yikes! :) The bad thing is that I really feel this mass inside me now. Part of it is mental, I'm sure - but part of it is the unidentified mass making itself known - a hot, angry red ball (benign? not benign??) inside me.

I am doing much better than I was last week after getting the results. I know I have a lot of fight left in me. Bring it on!

I do wish I could jump forward a few weeks so the answers I seek would already be known, and a treatment plan identified. But life is to be lived now - and I can't afford to lose a few weeks. So I take it day by day, and when the panic and fear set in (which they like to do), I breathe deeply and slowly, and remind myself that this is just the beginning, and not the end.

On a lighter and brighter note:
My sisters wedding went very smoothly. Everyone involved did such a great job - and the ceremony was beautiful (as was she!!). I may have even shed a tear or two, but don't tell anyone!! I wish her and her husband (wow - husband!) the very best that this world and life has to offer.

Sigh

This post was written on Wednesday, Feb 6, but not posted then due to my sisters upcoming wedding.

Its snowing again. Usually for me, that lifts my spirits. Not today though.

I just came from my oncologists office where I got the results of my CT scan. They found a 4cm x 3cm soft tissue mass, near my liver, displacing my gall bladder. Coming on the heels of six rounds of chemotherapy, this is not the greatest of news.

Of course, they don't know if its cancer. My gut is telling me it is.

I scheduled a PET scan for Friday the 8th. The doctor wants to be sure that there are no other 'masses' to be aware of. After the PET is done, I will also see the gyne/oncologist to get his opinion. Then there will be more surgery - hopefully just to remove the one mass already identified. If cancer, then probably more chemotherapy - with different drugs because the ones I was on obviously didn't stop cancer from growing. If not cancer - then time to celebrate! ;)

Now I just play the waiting game again. I want surgery soon to get this thing out of me. Its just a matter of getting it all scheduled and set.